Tuesday, October 29, 2013

IS BILLY SHAKESPEARE REALLY A VAMPIRE? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW



Happy Halloween Everyone.

As you can see, I, L.J. Holmes dressed as a feathery prism. I figured since I have this reputation by some of being a prism I should see if I could DRESS the part.

What do you think? Did I make it? Not sure if I'm a colorful eagle or a tie-dyed pea-hen.

But I KNOW you recognize KAT'S brilliant costume...

Yep. you're right. She's so smart she's a walking brain.

Kat and I are dressed in our most intriguing costumes because good old Billy Shakespeare, you know, 

THE long past his due date,BARD,  sent word via 

Land Trolls he wanted to rise up and challenge L.J. and Kat Holmes to another "Prose-off." But don't quote me on that...You know how reliable Land Trolls are as messengers.

Back to good OLD Billy, you gotta feel sorry for a guy who spends most of his time playing tag with 

earth worms and still thinks he's up to the challenges Kat and I put forth upon his magnificence ..Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a little...prosaic...there, but I must make poor Deader Than A Door Nail

Billy Shakespeare feel a little bit at home before Kat and I reduce him back to his moldering state of 

over-inflated bone-dust.

Okay, look sharp, here he is. 

Hey Billy, looking spiffy today...a bit peaked, but other than that...I must say I love all your points. 

(Whispering so he won't hear, L.J. leans over to Kat and asks...did you see what I saw...fangs?...Kat shrugged.

L.J. I have to ask the obvious question based on how...refined you look in those pantaloons, are you here to celebrate Halloween?

B.S. What's Halloween? Are you talking about that holiday where people go all elaborate living out their fantasies by playing at looking like someone...or someTHING else? What are you wearing, by the way?

L.J. I'm a prismatic Eagle or spectacular pea-hen, and Kat is a Walking Brain.

B.S. (shaking his head) And they say corpse's have no life!

L.J. That's just plain mean. Okay if you're not here to celebrate the holiday of all things ghoulish, why are you here?

K.H. I hate to be rude, B.S. but if I turn my head this way, you almost look like a vampire.

B.S. Ooops! Did my fangs show? And after all the Fang-Be-Gone I had Igor, Eyegor, and Itzsore buff into them. Can't trust hunchbacks to get anything right.

L.J. I knew it. I knew it all along. I told Kat long ago anyone who could write a tale like the one no one will mention the name of before performing it, has to have been a vampire with a virulent case of witch envy. Such a person must be from the dark side.

B.S. (chuckling) Close, but not quite true.

K.H. You're NOT a vampire?

B.S. Not everything with fangs is a blood sucker, but I do know a few O negative-a-holics. Let me just go ahead and tell you guys why I wanted to visit right now, okay?

There's a rumor going around the Underworld...don't laugh we do have our version of Western Union...Back to the rumor...Is it true Kat, you have been approached by my favorite kinky, dark loving goddess to report to the world the TRUTH about...(B.S. carefully and nervously looks all around before leaning in to whisper)...

Hekate' Web?

K.H. WOW! I'm being talked about by the Underground?

B.S. Not just talked about...oh my, you're their/OUR hero and word is out you're about to let Book Two loose of the ongoing Hekate's intensely coveted vamp and demonic archives on the <gulp> living world.

In fact someone, we think maybe a water demon, copied some unauthorized posters of your cover and they're hanging everywhere down below. 

And what a cover/poster SEEKER is? I personally am in love with Edeline. What a woman! Love her lips. But don't tell Atu I said that. He's a scary dude and I try to stay on his c-o-o-o-o-l-l-l side. Safer that way.

Back to Edeline, Atu, and you, Kat. All of your deeply loyal fans keeping time Down-Sliding in the seas of...well happy brine want to know everything you can tell us, especially when we can get our hands on it? That Edeline chick...I so want to sleep with her book beneath my rock pillow...bet it can make my rock, rumble!

Can you tell I'm all a-quiver? I've got GOOSEBUMPS. Have you any idea how long its been since I had goosebumps? 

I tried to contact Hekate and ask her, but she sent me a 

dirt devil with the message to come here and ask you...so here I am...Tell me about SEEKER.

K.H. You already know it's book two in the Hekate's Web Series. It pretty much picks up where HIDDEN left off.

B.S. (nodding his head.) Oh yeah. That Lilith is quite a knockout, but Edeline...hubba hubba! That woman tugs my dusty bowstrings. 

L.J. (nodding) It's a powerful story, B.S. Kat did an exceptional job channeling Hekate's archives. You do know Atu and Edeline are on an important quest, commanded by Hekate, right?

B.S. Oooh oooh, oooh. Can I be what they're questing for? I know Muse It Up Publishing keeps dredging up that harlot 

Bonella...so how about letting Edeline dredge up me?

K.H. (skeptically) Are you sure you know Atu?

B.S. Well hell. everyone needs some...pungent competition, and there are very few more pungent than me. 

L.J. (wrinkling her nose.) You sure have that right, but Hekate's already approved Kat's telling of SEEKER the way it is. The whole idea is to let the world know who REALLY is the creator of vampires. She's kinda pissed about all the fake stories being bandied around about HER inventions.

B.S. Not fair. I can be just as scary as Atu, so when are you going to bring me into Hekate's Web?

K.H. I'm really sorry, Billy. I can't speak for Hekate. She's the one who makes these decisions. Maybe you should fly to Mount Olympus and spend time presenting your case to her.

B.S. (wincing) She doesn't like it when her ghouls, demons, and vamps pop in on the Mount. We get such a sermon..and trust me Hekate puts quite a spin on giving sermons on her mount.

L.J. Kat, why don't you let him read the back cover of your book, and maybe add a little bit of a teaser?

B.S. (fairly jumping like a bunny on a carrot high) Oh...please, please, please? And could I take it back with me to the Underworld? What a hero I'll be, and I can make all my under buds rise up on the day it's released and glam our humans into buying it. When is it coming out, by the way. You didn't say.

K.H. SEEKER the sequel to 
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HIDDEN is coming out from MUSE IT UP PUBLISHING on Friday November 1st.

B.S. PERFECT...all saints day when ghouls and saints get to break through the barriers of life and death. Great day for haunting all those who don't buy your book....

willingly.

K.H. From your lips to Hekate's ears!

L.J. Come on Kat, let's go get Billy the teasers. We'll be right back.

B.S. Cool. I'll just practice some of my best lines while you're gone. {actively clearing his parched throat.} 

To be, or not to be...I lstill like that question!

Something's Rotten in the State of Denmark...God that Hamlet really was a bit of a whiner!

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo....That Juliet...blinder than a bat.

K.H. We're back!

B.S. Good. I was getting tired of the idiots I created.  Is this it? Gimmee, gimmee, gimmee! 

Oh Yeah, I am so gonna to out do that water demon when I get this back home. 

Thanks girls, and Kat if you don't get big sales, me and my buds are going to set off such a stinking world wide haunt-fest, people'll run to the nearest e-seller.

L.J. That's sweet of you, Billy. And you know, if either of us get a chance to speak with Hekate any time soon, we'll run the idea by her about writing your underworld story.

B.S. Awww. If I weren't already dead I'd be blushing. I guess I'd better get back and prepare myself for the hero-worship. You two take good care...until next time.

L.J.  Thanks Billy.  
K.H. As always, it was fun.
L.J. Well see you soon. 



Back Cover
Atu is an ancient warrior and vampire long in the service of his king. He has no desire for home or family. But when the Goddess Hekate tasks him with finding an ancient artefact before his enemies do, he is forced to enlist the aid of a woman who drives him crazy.
Edeline Comstock has the sight and has been cursed and reviled for it by her family. When she finds herself under attack from a monster, a dark and dangerous man is her only salvation, or he might be her destruction.
Forced to aid Atu, time is running out to uncover the secrets of the past. But a far greater danger stalks Edeline, one from which there may be no return.

Excerpt
The face that stared back at her was wan and haggard. How she hated days like this. The past couple of weeks had been rougher than usual and the stress and strain just added to her already existing problems. God, she was sick of problems.
Edeline Comstock was tired. And what was worse, she knew already, as she always did, that her day wasn’t nearly over. Nope, like it or not, she’d call. That damn news article had seen to that. There’d be no avoiding Stephanie’s ranting rage even though Edeline really wasn’t up for it.
At least she no longer lived with the bitch. Once she’d turned eighteen she’d inherited her mother’s fortune. She hadn’t even waited till her father and stepmother returned from Europe before she rented a townhouse. She’d packed her things and left her brother and sister in the care of their nanny without a second thought. Wyatt and Courtney didn’t like her any more than her stepmother did thanks to Stephanie’s so-called nurturing over the years.
Freaky, weird, scarecrow, beanpole. She’d heard all those insults and many others over the years. Her stepmother created a few more choice insults to call her when the words everyone used failed to fully express the total scope of Stephanie’s hatred. It didn’t help that as her father climbed the political ladder, he withdrew more and more from any role in Edeline’s upbringing, allowing Stephanie unhampered control over her.




Monday, April 29, 2013

Scrambled Willie Shakespeare and We

We must beg forgiveness of our loyal followers.

Willie Shakespeare has been a truly musky, as in he's dropping bone dust everywhere he drifts, making me sneeze and giving poor Kat serial sinus infections, person. We had to invest in

gas masks...and YES, the BARD is that bad.

But moving on...we all know Willie is mighty proud of his rather bizarre

MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM, but Kat and I have in our arsenal our second collaboration




ONE NIGHT STUD.

Allow me to explain...our poor hero has to find his one true forever love in just one night and convince her he's not just a slam bam thank you ma'am kinda guy...problem is, up till this night, that's exactly what he's been.







Willie went into quite a tantrum. Let me refresh your memory on how he dresses...

...see...when he throws a tantrum, dressed like this, he looks like a ticked off cupcake trying really hard to jettison his chocolate icing top. Into this comedic rant he starts yelping "Remember Hamlet, Remember Hamlet."

I like "To be and not to be" as well as the next person, but let's face it...when you strip away all the folderol it boils down to Hamlet being haunted by his daddy's ghost and his uncle porking his mom.


Kat's

THE LIGHTHOUSE may not be an EXACT duplicate, but with a ghost haunting her niece, murder all afoot, and a towering lighthouse for ambiance, it's close. 

My story

TWILIGHT COMES has a lot of family dysfunction in it, and Hamlet definitely comes from a dysfunctional family. In mine an entire family must face the crashing power of the waves of their own deeds ripping them all apart. 

Oh boy oh boy, bet you didn't know Willie knows some really elegant curse words. Are my ear lobes red? They feel hot, like they're burning from the words Willie's snaping at us. In fact, I think Kat might just faint. Words are mighty powerful weapons in the right hands and let's face it this Bard dude has very creative hands.

ROMEO AND JULIET...The Bard is screeching...A love story he proclaims...HUH? They end up committing suicide. How is that romantic? Their families push them over the edge because of some harebrained feudal feud. Romantic?

Kat's Artica Lights Series

Book One FROZEN with Awni the queen of Artica, (If you look really hard you can see the lights) her skin so bitterly cold a touch from her means instant death, and how criminals are executed...but she's so alone...until...Brent...the lights bring him to Artica...and he doesn't die when Awni accidentally touches him...in fact he feels passionate heat...and thus the Queen marries her consort...romance...yeah...THAT'S romance...

Book two of this series

REFLECTIONS OF ICE (Can you see the lights in this one?)  Elric, Awni's right hand man, and the man who raised her sees in his mirror of vision of beauty that calls to him...He's crazy...no one sees such images in their mirrors, and if they do, they can't hope to ever have the real image here in Artica...But one day it happens...Romance...not easy to win...but with the lights?...maybe?

My own

FOREVER WITH YOU, Coryne  is very drawn to Keith, but she fights it...until...the surprise ending...Romance

HER LAST DAY the first collaboration of Kat and me...how can the eruption of Vesuvius and the destruction of Pompeii be romantic? But it is?

Mr. Shakespeare is pissed. He says we're cheating. Somehow we must be copying his work. SO I dared him to read my story








SUC-U...and he did...He's still stuttering and red around his gills...







 
I think we have once again one-upped the Bard.

This is Lin, writing as L.J. Holmes, and Kat Holmes signing off...for now.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

TO BE CONCUSSED OR NOT TO BE CONCUSSED...THAT IS THE QUESTION

Today is not my usual posting in the ongoing dialogue Kat and I have been having with a rather musty smelling William Shakespeare. Today's posting has nothing to do with the race between Kat and me, and

Mr. Shakes "pear" 

Nope today is about my luck and why I think I want to stop being lucky. Who'd want to proceed when the luck they get leans rather heavily to the

BAD side?

Yesterday, I almost fell three times...the fourth time though, was

the charmer, down I went my head banging quite giddily against each

concrete step and the rest of me bruising and scraping despite the thicker winter clothes I was wearing. I must admit my body is now a rather impressive artist's rendering of black and blue...(blue IS my favorite color...not sure THIS shade of blue falls into that category.) Gashes...Boy Howdy do I have my share of them.

Why is it when you fall everyone wants to call an

ambulance for you? Let's suppose I said "yes"...

how the hell am I supposed to get home? I know there are people out there who'd leap at the chance to go to the hospital, so why is it
they play invalid until they can't stretch their infirmary any longer, but not me? Compared to things my ex did to me, this is a bandaid booboo.

Okay, my gut is churning. I ate a handful of crackers...I was pregnant four times with five babies so I KNOW about nausea and crackers...also you can't take Naproxen 500mg on an empty stomach unless your suicidal and crazy enough to want to meet your maker after letting your stomach burst and bleed out...Personally, I think I'll pass on that.

Anyway,

down the hatch...I figure I've got about fifteen, twenty minutes before I begin rambling from the effects of the meds.

I've checked my head...no obvious broken skin, but the whole left side of my head is sore and a tad swollen. I'm assuming since I know who I am...Ladybug Lin at your service...I know today's date...okay...that's a bit of a stretch but I rarely know today's date...so I can't put a check mark on the concussed side..but I CAN check the bottom of my screen and pull up the info like that! It's Saturday, January 5th...(my ex-husband's birthday is July 5th, and my personal Independence Day...((divorce))...is December 5th...yep, just celebrated 29 years of emancipation.)

Crackers and the promethazine are finally settling the churning fury inside my gut...and that also means I can finally take the pain meds and not have to worry about bringing them right back up...much like that mutuant germ bug on the Mucinex commercials.

You know what is really weird? Thanks to the three bp meds and my promise to the doc not to forget to take them, I'd gotten my bp down to 132/82...until yesterday...It skyrocketed to 176/104...which leads me to think pain makes your blood pressure soar into the danger zone.

I was coming home from grocery shopping at the Super Walmart. I'd noticed they had bathing suits out for sale already...Kat and I live in an apartment complex with a pool that stays open 24/7 365 days a year...except for leap year then it's open one more day...isn't that convenient...and because we were limited on how many packages filled with out stuff we could afford to mail down here ahead of us when we moved...neither of us have a bathing suit. I'd like to say my mind was swirling around the possiblity of finding enough money after the bills are all paid to buy two bathing suits. I'd really like to say that...but I can't.

I think it comes down to one fact...my right leg began burning and gave out. I reached for the bannister, but it was too late. So today I am scrambled Ladybug Lin not so readily at your service, and one crawling mass of pain.

The timing for me to be this

bad could have been better..but at least I avoided the hospital...that's a
graphic
fifty dollar co-pay I can ill afford to pay. Besides, I know what a concussion feels like...one of the many charming things my ex did to me was take  my head and repeatedly slam it into the kitchen floor...trust me...THAT was worse than this...BUT I do think I should lay down for a bit...(the pain meds are kicking in and I am beginning to think I should sing...trust me singing is NOT one of my talents.

NAP TIME!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

4-for-1 You NEVER got that Willie Shakspeare

Okay Billy, The world loves you,

but I KNOW

Kat Holmes has one-upped you today.

You may have scratched out a lot of

LONG-IN-THE-TOOTH tales, I KNOW you never had a

4-for-1 sale on ANY of your offerings...so I may still be a

BIG QUESTION MARK in this head-to-head battle we are conducting, KAT is as of TODAY in the LEAD!

How did she do it?

Well over at

Muse It Up Publishing TODAY ONLY...

FOUR of Kat's Gods At Work Series Books are being offered for sale at an unheard of BARGAIN price...and JUST in time for

Christmas too.

How brilliant is that?

Take a look at what Kat has waiting for eager readers of Godly and Goddessy delights.


Buy BOOK FOUR: CRIMSON WATERS: Poseidon's adventure...and trust me, the unique way Kat has the God of Water use his element to tease and please will make buying this package more than worthy of the price @ $3.50

With that purchase you will get

Book One: WORKING UNDER COVERS, Aphrodite's Journey working here among us mortals while confronting danger, and one sexy cop. 

Book Two: HEART OF THE QUEEN, Hera's story. If you thought you knew Hera, Queen of the Greek Pantheon, based on mythology, you were so wrong. This HOT lady gives new meaning to "Let Me Stroke Your Peacock."

Book Three: IN DEATH'S ARMS, Hades' story. Would you eat pomegranate if it allowed you to spend eternity in the Underworld with one sexy God of Death?

Everything you THINK you know about the

Gods of the Greek Pantheon has been...embellished over the year...much like the children's Telegraph game...It started as truth but every teller altered it until today..Hera is a bitch, Aphrodite is a vain tease, Poseidon buries whole continents in his rage, and Hades plays Russian Roulette with the Elysian Fields and Tartarus.

Kat's series shows us their truth...TODAY'S Olympians and WOW are they...

olympic!

So head on over to MUSE IT UP PUBLISHING and see why Santa dropped this bundle there and spice up your

Holiday Cheer!

I'll see you over there!

And Merry, Merry Christmas To You All.

And Billy,

The battle continues.