Sunday, December 4, 2011

IT'S MY JOB

December

4th is here and so is my next orginal. Wow this has not been easy. I think I have a head ache...is it from the trials of creating so much new stuff in such a short time, or because the topic of this one is headache fodder? Don't know. But I am determined to muddle through...so let's get to it.

IT'S MY JOB
by
L.J. Holmes

What's the big deal? You all act like I've got stuff attached to my teeth, or I haven't changed my underwear in a week.

I'm sixteen, for pity's sake, not over the hill like the rest of you. It's not my fault, you know. Surely you see that. I mean how can I be to blame for being the drop-dead gorgeous hunk that's me?

Being a hunk is really not an easy thing to be, you know. On my shoulders I carry a major responsibility. Girls from far and near take one look at me and go all gooey and dithery inside.

Should I hurt them by looking away, or not treat them to the wonder of time spent with me? They know, because girls always talk, that I'm a gift, but only temporarily. Don't frown...it's not becoming.

Imagine the pain I would cause these poor dears if I didn't accept their obvious invitations to date them a time or two and, you know, explore all their seductive possibilities. That would be so much unkinder, don't you see?

I am careful, quite conscientious, you should know, about taking precautions more than a tad seriously. My seed will not be planted yet...not when there are still so many landscapes for my plow to till, and we don't want to talk about evil beasties invading the perfection I was born to be.

Okay, let's get this out of the way. I have never yet proclaimed undying love to any of my many. That would be dishonest and amateurish...also beyond redeem. I do not con the sweets I nibble, nor promise more than a dip or two.

There are those who say I am immoral. Immoral to me, would have to be promising a band of gold or tin when I am, after all, just a boy...I'm sixteen...especially since I know, without doubt, tomorrow or the day after, another lovely will wink, and my duties, as a drop-deap-gorgeous-hunk, will take over once more.

So what's the problem? Why all the flack? It's not like I mine two at the same time on the very same night. I'd be far too exhausted if I did that, and then what good would I be to all those others waiting for me?

Oh yeah! Check it out! See that fox over there? She just looked my way and licked her pouty lips. Just because I'm dating three others, should I disappoint her and pass her by? What kind of a hunk would I be?

Think about how hurt she'll be if I don't sidle on over there and draw her towards my rightness. Why she might even become despondent over me.

Nope! It's my patriotic duty to spend time with her and share the gift of my grandiosity.

The world just doesn't fully understand I do all this, not for my own pleasure, but out of sheer duty. So when you frown, and judge me harshly, just remember, someone has to do it, so it might as well be me.

8 comments:

Ginger Simpson said...

Oh yeah, I remember what a hunk my son thought he was at sixteen. Great post, Lin.

Lin said...

OMG! Thank you, Ginger! Your approaval means the world to me.

Tanja said...

You got me again! This time I was thinking that the MC was a dog - you know, four years in human terms multiplied by four...

gail roughton branan said...

And isn't that just what they all think? (Though I don't know that it stops after sixteen.)

Lin said...

Tanja your praise is always heartwarming. I was comlimenting Kat yesterday on her ability to misdirect the reader. Nice to know I have it too.

Gail, yes, I think most creatures with that mutuant "Y" chromosome suffers Drop-dead-gorgeous hunkitis have this attitude...at least at one time or for aways in their lives.

Collette said...

I am still laughing over this one. Oh, to be young again :). What a great post.

jennymilch said...

Ack, how did I ever spend time with 16 year olds?? Even (especially) when I was one ;)

Lin said...

Thank you Collette and Jenny. I was thinking of my youngest brother. I never understood his appeal, but the honeybees swarmed around him like he had the best nectar in town. I tried to tell them otherwise, but they had to learn the hard way.